Bitter-sweet dark-light summer-autumn full moon night. Silver light calls me awake at 1 a.m. I meditate, drenched in that light and the silence of the dark. I feel autumn coming, the shift in the rhythm, the whisper of winter, the turning of the wheel. I sit in the circle of the seasons and breathe, inhalation and exhalation, each breath a taking in, a holding, and then the letting go.
Autumn is the season of letting go, surrender to the cycle. As we heal, we are in a constant process of letting go. To heal is to enter into the flow of all that is, that natural Order, Balance, Harmony and Flow that is the source and substance of our being. As we cling and fixate, obsess and control, judge and dictate, we block that Flow, and help to create our suffering. We don’t leave room for Spirit to work. We insist on figuring things out, on knowing how things are supposed to be, and we lose our connection to that Flow.
Sitting under this Harvest Moon, I imagine the autumn leaves changing color: green, red, gold, orange, all the colors of the earth chakras, shifting and swirling, and then I feel the wind that blows the leaf from the tree, and see it drift down gently, golden against the bright blue sky. I think of Hildegarde of Bingen’s beautiful piece of music “A Feather on the Breath of God.” For the leaf, there is no letting go. In the rhythm of the seasons, in the cycle of its life, the leaf is simply released, and it does not argue, or resist.
Then I notice the tension in my body. I sit and feel that the core contraction. My hands clench into fists. I let my awareness rest in those clenched fists. I know that tightness. I let myself feel it and clench even tighter, lifting my hands. Fists clenched, ready to defend and battle, holding tight to whatever it may be in the moment. And then, so simple, so, so simple, I turn my hands over, and with great and gentle Awareness, allow them to open, palms up, slowly, feeling every moment of the opening, every millimeter of the uncurling, every sensation of the letting go. And I rest, quietly, breathing, quietly, with the sensation of my open hands resting in my lap.
Of course eventually I begin to have thoughts about that sensation of clinging and letting go. I realize I am now in this receptive posture, open to receiving the gifts of Spirit. I have lots of thoughts about how wonderful that is 🙂 I imagine myself using this simple meditation in different situations. It’s all good.
But for a few moments there was none of that; just being the leaf, with no thought of clinging and letting go. What we call clinging and letting go is the natural rhythm of life. When we connect to that fundamental Order, Balance, Harmony and Flow, letting go simply happens. It’s not something we have to do.
©2010 Donna Thomson and Bob Schrei